OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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