k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
