I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
