I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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