so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
