I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Randomize
