my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So here I am, sexting at work.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
