The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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