Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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