You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
