the new term for farting is butt boxing.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
