I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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