so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
