so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
