Umm I'm too high to move.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
