new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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