so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
