He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
