He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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