so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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