He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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