people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
