I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
