I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
All the doctor said was why
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
