Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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