Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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