I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's just like the Real World with babies
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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