sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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