Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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