I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
