I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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