trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
