I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
