I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
