booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
