What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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