I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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