remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
