i already hear my dad disowning me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
