Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
