so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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