my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
