Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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