And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
