I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Shame - the story of my life.
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