we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
