you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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