You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
