your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
