My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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