my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
