Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
