I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
