when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
