Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wish my penis had a tongue
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
