i permit you to call me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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