If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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