Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
