Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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