Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
