Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
