I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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