Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
