He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
