I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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