Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
