Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
