I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
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I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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