So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
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She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
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There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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