I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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