I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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