Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
