I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
