Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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