Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
