You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
