i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
this boner is exhausting
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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