so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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