I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
