I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
