Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
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I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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